Having been to the Reading Festival twice now it seemed like a good idea to suggest things that are worth taking if you go to a festival.

When I went last time I seemed to take the whole house but I'm a bit of a worrier!! Below are the essentials that you'll need.

Most important is a TENT - as well as a place to stay in the rain it's essential in the luring of opposite members of sex. BE AWARE.........YOU CANNOT EXPECT MATES TO WAIT OUTSIDE WHILE YOU FUMBLE AROUND ;-) GET A TENT!!

You'll also need something to sleep in, a two season sleeping bag and airbed is the optimum comfort. The grass at Reading last time I went resembled an upside-down egg box so beware - IT IS LUMPY.

Food is not bad as there is a Waitrose about a mile away and it's worth going in so you can use the bogs. Packet stuff (rice and pasta)is the best to bring along because it's light and only requires water to be cooked (Pot Noodles are also essential!!) Last time I went I took three of those disposable barbecues (About £5) and had things like chicken burgers in the daytime.

Other cooking items that you'll need then are:
Saucepans
Gas stove
Matches
and of course, something to eat with, knife and fork etc...

Sleep is impossible so you basically have to stew your brains with alcohol for 24 hours a day to keep tiredness at bay. I would also suggest bringing some painkillers such as paracetemol or aspirins to help with headaches as well as plenty of Pro Plus to stay awake.

Ear plugs are also essential if you want to attempt to get your 40 winks otherwise you may have to put up with the sound of other people 'doing it' in their tents around you, NOT PLEASENT!!! (espiecially when they come out from their tents in the morning and they are fat, greasy greebos!!!.....euch!!)

A mallet is a good idea to take along, not only is it good for knocking in your tent pegs but you can also use it to smash in the face of the 'stupid t**t mancunian' who will try and nick your tent with you in it!!

A penknife is a good idea too incase you buy bottled beer and again it can be used in defence when 'acid crazed 11 year old Oasis fans' start getting rowdy!

THE MOST IMPORTANT thing to take is LOO ROLL....that is LOO ROLL, at Reading loo roll is like gold, me and my mates actually got held to ransom by some gangster people outside a pub and we used loo roll to bargain for our lives :-) I suggest you take more than one roll incase this happens.

Unless you are some kind of red indian who can start fires with sticks then firelighters are also a good move. Trying to start a plastic and beer-can fire with only a lighter is pretty much impossible so you'll need some firelighters, buy them and split the cost between friends.

Water is another thing you need plenty of, washing, eating and staying alive all depend on water. There are taps in the campsite but I suggest you bring some water with you, I think my water carrier carrys about 15 litres and it lasted about 3 days. Some sort of bowl is a good idea for washing in and a shaver might be an idea. Remember to bring two small towels, one for washing up your eating things and another for washing yourself, not a good idea to get them mixed up!! :-)

Baby wipes can be used to wash hands but to be honest I think thats the least of your worries when you've injested 60 pints of alcohol in 5 days!!

A hat and sunglasses is also a good idea, after day one when your hair is plastered to your head a hat will remain on your head for the remaining 4 days. Sunglasses help to hide those big black bags under your eyes that you are managing to cultivate. They also help you to look 'mean' when you wanna scare little Mancunian c**ts!

A torch is required in the night, the paths are normally lit but in your tent it will be dark, one of the freestanding electrician type ones is a good idea so you don't have to hold it as you crawl into your sweaty pit of a sleeping bag.

In the evenings it gets pretty cold, even on hot days!! (it was 28 ^oC when I last went) so a fleece type jacket is preferable to shivering and spilling your beer. If it rains you are basically 'f****d', wellies and some kind of waterproof jacket are about all you can bring along with you to keep dry but if it's anything like Glastonbury 98 then they won't help that much.

On the positve side sun tan lotion might come in handy if it's like last time I went. The only problem is you can't wash it off and you end up going home looking like a chimpanzee because five days of s**t and dust is ingrained in your skin.

Disposable cameras are also good for capturing those insanely drunken moments which always occur, and you can throw 'em away if you manage to break them, so no annoyed parents :-)

Cash wise I spent about £150 last time but how much money did I waste!! To be honest though when I went last time I was a right tight b*****d so I think that's the optimum amount of money to have available. Don't bring cash though, there are Barclays and Nationwide (which support LINK) cashpoints not far from the festival site so you can get some cash out each day.

Anyway, I think thats about all the main things you need to take with you, just don't do what one of my mates did last time.....after having to submit to having him stay in my tent he then proceded to open his bag and produce.......7 Pot Noodles.......a Pillow........and two Porno Mags!!! Dirty B*****d!! As long as you and your mates all have roughly the same stuff then you'll be okay as you can share some of it.